The Telly Nelly Blog

One More 'Shear Genius' Thought...

You know, it might just not be the most pointless and pathetic reality show after all...

I've been thinking: If America can take *one* key lesson away from 'Shear Design', perhaps there *is* hope after all.

Here's my thought on the lesson provided by Bravo's latest reality flop: *extremely* effeminate straight men really *do* exist!

Case in point, Dr. Boogie. A self-described straight man - who simply appears and acts incredibly, incredibly, INCREDIBLY gay. We're talking RuPaul levels of gayness here...can it and ship it to West Hollywood, it's that gay. If this Major Mary is *actually straight* - a huge stretch, true; but stranger things have happened in our livetime - this proves that not all *highly* effeminate men are really gay. A revelation! Paul Lynde? Perhaps not gay after all...Liberace? Straight as an arrow!!!! You? (Forget it honey, not in that shirt.)

I'm curious what Phyllis Schafly, dear Dr. Laura and Pat Buchanan (is he still alive?)  think of dear, Dr. Boogie...

Of course we'll have to prove Dr. Boogie's straight (who would believe us?) by filming him in straight porn - just to make sure he enjoys it and is not lying about his proclivities. While I'd rather pluck out my eyes and sew them into my own testicles than watch this lurid offering, I'm sure there's a market out there somewhere for dear Dr. Boogie. (I've seen stranger flicks in my time I assure you...)

Thoughts on 'Shear Genius'

Blah!

The L World Island & Christine Vachon

Hello lesbians! How the heck was your Easter? Full of eggs, I assume...

Just thought you might want to know 'The L Word' island in Second Life (that virtual world you've been reading so much about) is hosting a live chat tomorrow night with Christine Vachon, the producer of Boys Don't Cry, Hedwig and The Angry Inch (and many, many more) about her new Showtime project 'This American Life'.

Read all about it here, my dear queers.

And yes, Christine is indeed a lesbian...just in case you were curious. (Or in the dark like myself.)

Enjoy, moppets!

As for me - Good lord, I don't know *where* people find the time to hang out in this virtual world...I can barely find the time to get my own cup of coffee, let alone sit for hours in a virtual lounge pretending to drink coffee! Just sayin'...must be nice. (I assume most of them are goofing off at work...likely entire IT departments!)

The Owl and the Pussycat

While Jonathan Adler does indeed dress like a gay clown from the flood districts of West Hollywood, he does a FABULOUS owl.

God bless ya, ya big homo...I really do love you deep down in my designer jeans.

(I just hate your pants. And buy some socks, man!)

Next Wednesday is the finale of 'Top Design' (and the premiere of 'Shear Genius' a train-wreck in the making for sure) - and for once I find myself on the side minority...I like Carisa! Sure, she's brassy, doesn't play well with others, tends to over-smatter a room with an endless rainbow of pop-licked accessories and is a bit rough around the edges, but damn-it - I like the bitch. I'd live in any of her rooms...any of 'em. (I even liked those brown slipcovers from a few weeks back Kelly, so you can just put that in your hair and frizz it! Margaret - keep your sneers to yourself. Why must you perpetually look like someone nearby stepped in poo?)

'Top Design' Blunders On...

My oh my...the tradition of poor fashion decisions continues.

How unfortunate. Blah.

As you can see, Jonathan took my last post to heart - he deep six-ed those funky muppet ties in favor of something a little more sophisticated. Granted he's still wearing velvet jackets and the tie is a bit too large, but without an incredibly over sized tie his head is somewhat proportional. Personality wise he still hits the red on the creepy scale if you ask me, giving off a vibe that's a mix between Johnny Depp's Willy Wonka and Michael Jackson. I would *not* want to spend a night in his chalet, that's for sure!

And this time around I've added in a little Margaret 'Sneer' Russell as well - though her outfit is perfectly  acceptable. (She's a lonely little petunia in an onion shop). Margaret darling, what's with the look? Are you sitting on one of Jonathan's ties? If so, pardon moi! If not, you might want to consider dropping the

Or perhaps the reflection of light shooting off Kelly Wearstler's Barbarella-themed, space-hooker outfit proved too much? Goodness me Kelly, do you even own a mirror? Trust me, I hate myself for saying that after seeing the droolicious hotel designs you've created...if only your genius extended to your fashion decisions!!

And hmmm...what's with this mystery room shown in the opening credits? Methinks someone made a mistake - we haven't seen this one yet, a.k.a. it's from a future episode! If you as me, it looks like Carisa's design work, and since they're showing it with a bunch of other winning rooms, it looks like she'll be the winner for next week - you heard it here first!

So does that mean it's curtains for Matt or Andrea?

Fiddlesticks. Who ruined the surprise moppets???

Lets Rig 'American Idol' By Voting for the Worst!

While I still detest 'American Idol' like it was a Cheney baby, this delightful idea gives me hope.

I know I'll be calling in for the worst - but didn't this already happen last year with that icky Taylor Hicks thing? ew.

If you're gay and you actually like 'American Idol', you're in good company on AOL!

Sigh...you crazies. When will you learn?

And when oh when will Paula dry out? Lordy lou, she's a mess!

What Will Jonathan Wear on 'Top Design' Tonight?

It's come to the point where I'm only watching Bravo's 'Top Design' to see what *horrible* velvet jacket & over sized tie combo Jonathan Adler will be wearing tonight. Will it be made of carpet? Or perhaps made from muppets, as surely this tie from last week was...? Jonathan darling, if you're trying to start an big honkin' tie fashion revolution, it ain't workin' out for ya. You look like a puppet your head is so small. And for gods sake, put on some socks!!!! (And stop giving Kelly pills!)

Which brings us to Kelly Wearstler. Kelly, Kelly, Kelly. Yes, I'm sure she's a high fallootin' interior designer. But every week she treads into dangerous fashion territory by playing wardrobe roulette! I can just see her reaching into a gigantic walk-in-closet blindfolded and cobbling together whatever she ends up grabbing into one giant clusterf*ck of an outfit. In last week's episode, Kelly said she likes honest criticism. Let's put that to the test, shall we?

Kelly darling, you look like an 19th Century whore in this freakish outfit - in fact, you're looking a bit like Dee Schneider from 'Twisted Sister' fame with all that hair. (Did Jonathan Adler recommend this look? Not all homos know what they're talking about dear; never take fashion advice from a gay puppet.)

No, I'm not trying to be cruel, I'm being *honest*.

Yes, there *is* a difference. Tough love people!

Don't Get Me Wrong...I Love America

But honestly, don't Vanessa Williams and Judith Light deserve their own spin-off?

Yes, yes they do.

Here are a million reasons why.

Whooopsie! Wrong reasons! However did *that* happen? Silly Typepad!!!

Regardless, Vanessa and Judith could poop into Dick Cheney's eager mouth and still I'd watch! That's how *good* they are.

Um...sorry for the visual Mary. I'm sure your dad isn't into scat...after all, he's not a dirty homo like us now is he?

Oh, sorry...I meant a dirty homo like me.

After all, you're having a baby. Wheeee you! If only Anne Heche had thought of that - think of the trouble we could have saved the media. I mean, really!

Congrats to you, Heather and the turkey baster darling - hope your big gay baby gets your rugged good looks!

Go Suze!

Right on, Sistah Money.

You go!

Feel free to throw some of those millions my way, I won't mind!

Oh yummy money. Why must you be sooooo delicious???

You're like candy for the future.

Edgar Allen Poe Goes West Hollywood

Looky, looky - some fresh production pictures from here! Network's 'The Raven,' which just wrapped up production.

Looks like they forgot to hire a wardrobe assistant - whooops!

I'm sure Edgar Allan Poe had a scene much like this in mind when he put pen to paper and wrote 'The Raven.' He was likely wearing snug cotton boxer-briefs as well...I believe he too had a preference for square-cut Calvins...

Then again, perhaps the person in the black sheet *is* the wardrobe consultant? I'd be hiding my shame as well, methinks.

Oh dear. I think someone at here! Networks needs a cold shower!

What a world!